Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Fluorescent Light Bulbs a.k.a My Arch Nemesis

I've spent a lot of time over the last two months lighting and re-lighting our furnaces. I had a friend and even a repairman come out to look at them but our furnaces are just getting old and it's common for me to have to light the pilot light several times a day which is a pain, but much cheaper than replacing old furnaces.

For those of you who are not familiar with the process of lighting a furnace let me share the joy. You first take off a noisy metal cover and then find the knob that controls the gas. You turn it to "pilot" and press it down hard as you light a match and try to fit your fat hand through a small space until you can get the match back to the pilot light before the match burns out. Getting my hand back to the pilot light is similar to when a rodent compresses it's body flat in order to sneak under a door or other opening it has no right fitting in. Once you light it and you see the flame you still have to keep pushing down on the pilot knob for about a minute or until your thumb goes numb. Then you can release it and slide it to the on position. Re-lighting a furnace is a pain, but one thing I hate infinitely more is changing fluorescent light bulbs.

I am grateful for fluorescent lights and appreciate the illumination and energy savings they provide but it is 2017 and there has to be a better way to connect them than trying to fit the Frankenstein neck bolts in the metal housing and then twisting them around hoping it will fit in and stay without shattering a glass tube in your hand. It is also common for the old brittle plastic end pieces of the light that you are trying to fit it into to crack and break during this process.

Because I am tall I have been the victim of genetic profiling all my life. People always say "You are tall can you switch this bulb out for me?" Each time this happens I comply and silently give myself a pep talk that this time it will be easier and smoother than the last time I tried. After I remove the plastic cover and watch the dead flies and bugs slide out, I remove the burnt bulbs. As I attempt to put new ones in I hear the noise of metal prongs scratching on the metal light frame interior which is even worse than fingernails on a chalk board.

I usually need to stand on a ladder or chair with my hands over my head for much longer than I'd like. Sometimes I end feeling like the soldier in Unbroken but instead of holding a heavy wooden beam I am holding a glass tube that weighs at least 3 or 4 ounces. Also nobody will shoot me if I lower my arms but besides that it is a pretty accurate analogy.

I'm sorry to complain about my first world problems and how inconvenient it is for me to have heat and light but with all the advances in technology how have we not improved the ease of changing long fluorescent light bulbs? If you think I'm just an incompetent wimp then you haven't changed enough fluorescent light bulbs.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Cold Weather

If you've read this blog you know I am not a fan of cold weather. Rather than complain and whine about the cold I thought I'd just share some funny winter weather memes I came across recently. Enjoy.