Monday, December 26, 2011

Word Pet Peeves

I'd like to address the topic of misused or mispronounced words that I hear quite frequently. With the new year approaching and people thinking about goals and resolutions, some people may want to set a goal to improve their vocabulary. DISCLAIMER: I'm no expert and I regularly make many mistakes on this blog so I'm not presenting this in a holier than thou attitude. I'm just doing it because hearing some of these words pronounced incorrectly can be more painful than hearing nails on a chalk board.

The most common mispronounced victim is the word Escape, not excape. The button on the computer you use to escape says ESC, it is not the X button.

Realtor not Realator. Even many realtors I have known mispronounce their occupation.

You take something for granted not granite. The exception to this is if you make assumptions about counter top materials you are shopping for.

Nuclear not nucular. President Bush had many critics who did not agree with him on a variety of issues. The way he pronounced this word was my biggest concern with him. Just sound it out!

Especially not expecially (a cousin to excape)

It is etcetera not excetra.

Asterisk not asterix (I guess we are a country with a fixation for the x sound)

For all intents and purposes is often verbalized as "for all intensive purposes."

Chest of drawers is not Chester Drawers. He was Cleetus' friend on the Dukes of Hazard.

The color sticks kids draw with are called crayons not crons or crowns.

Another favorite is "Patriotical" used in place of patriarchal. I think a patriotical blessing must be something members of the LDS church receive on the 4th of July.

"Samich" and "libary" are the most painful words to hear. If you are out of grade school you need to pronounce these correctly.

What other words would you add to the list?

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Random thoughts

It's time for another edition of my random thoughts.

Whenever I accidentally flip over my computer mouse and the red light is exposed and shines out, I like to pretend it is cyclops from X-men. I always cover my eyes and quickly flip it back over before any damage is done.

Dana White and Vanna White have similar names. I sometimes get them mixed up. My friends who are into UFC and Wheel of Fortune don't have much respect for me.

I think a deal breaker on a first date is if your date doesn't mind when people who use the word dental caries instead of cavities.

I'm glad there is balance in the universe. I saw a preview for Sisterhood of the Traveling pants. The antidote to help me feel like a man again was watching the trailer for the Expendables 2. Check it out below. It's only a minute long, but I have never seen so much potential testosterone in a movie before. I think the Surgeon General needs to put a warning on the movie poster.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Picture of the Month Dec. 2012

I give a thumbs up to anyone who can combine two of my favorite things: Christmas and Star Wars.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

My Top 10 Beard Excuses

Around Thanksgiving, someone accidentally scratched my face while I was playing a game of basketball. I didn't shave for a couple days after that since I wanted to let it heal. For some reason I decided to just keep letting it grow. Since I have never been a beard guy, I have been getting a lot of comments and questions about it lately. In order to put an end to the questioning, I have decided to make a top ten list of my favorite reasons I give people as to why I'm growing a beard.

10) I just want people to appreciate all the times when I do shave.

9) I'm trying out for the role of Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof.

8) I enjoy having tellers ask to see my ID now and not trusting me at my bank anymore.

7) Because I can.

6) I'm getting into Civil War reenactments and I should be ready for my first performance as Stonewall Jackson in 2014.

5) I was considering hanging out with the Occupy Salt Lake City group and wanted to look the part.

4) I'm just following the example of my mentor, James Brolin.

3) I burned my face and they had to use a skin graft from my back.

2) The tattoo artist misspelled "Stud Muffin" and I don't have money for laser removal , so get used to the beard.

1) What beard? Oh... Crap! I forgot to shave this morning.

I'm not a fan of facial hair and I don't think I can keep it up much longer.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Intimidating Machinery

I've been watching some educational shows with my kids recently that show how things like glass, pills, bottle tops, candy, and all kinds of every day objects are made. It's kind of cool to see the process, but what really impresses me is the size and speed of the customized machinery used to mass produce stuff.

I am amazed when I see these machines at work, but at the same time my heart sinks in despair when I see this equipment in action. We will never be able to stand up to such efficient machines after they get intelligence chips and turn on us.

I really don't believe in the rise of machines theory, but I still get intimidated when I see factories full of huge equipment or heavy machinery that is larger than my house. Where does the stuff come from? How can you make machines that big? Who do you call when it breaks? When I see robotic arms welding cars together or machines counting out and bottling 1,000 vitamins in a fraction of a second, I'm in awe, but it also worries me and stresses me out.

If I were stuck on a desert island for 50 years, I'm afraid the only invention I'd come up with would be a rock to help me sharpen sticks. Other men in similar circumstances would have a fabrication plant up and running after several years and would not only have an escape boat, but it would be a luxury yacht.

I can not relate to machinists, mechanics, or inventors. They have my respect. The people who can make such crazy machines and equipment should be the heroes of our day instead of the musicians, movie stars, and athletes that get all the attention. I say we forget about the potential candidates running for president next year and instead let the person who made the machine that paints 5,000 Coke cans in 4 minutes be president. At least they know how to get stuff done.

Friday, December 2, 2011

The 10 Worst Christmas Songs Ever

Now that we are in December, you are probably hearing more Christmas music. Yesterday while I was driving home from work, a local radio station host posed the question "Which Christmas songs don't you care for?". I have been contemplating this topic for a while so I think it's time to address my least favorite Christmas songs.

I understand people have a wide variety of music preferences, and I don't want to come across as Mr. Scrooge, but  I feel that speaking out against these songs is my duty, kind of like coming to a person's aid when they are being mugged. Here is my list of what I consider to be the 10 worst Christmas songs of all time.

10. Jingle Bells by Fresh Aire. Here me out on this. I love Manheim Steamroller and they make up the majority of my Christmas music, but this particular version (Christmas in the Air 1995) is the most slow and depressing narcoleptic piece I've ever heard.

9. I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and Rocking Around the Christmas Tree. It's a toss up. Maybe these songs get some people in the Christmas mood, but not me. They just don't sound like Christmas songs to me.

8. The Muppet's 12 days of Christmas. I once had coworkers who would play this all-star muppet cast version over and over and over without tiring of it. Now whenever I hear the muppets sing, I just feel sick.

7. Last Christmas- George Michael or Wham or whoever sings this created one of the wussiest song I have ever heard. I can see why she threw it away the very next day.

6. Santa Baby- My kids heard this song for the first time recently and to quote my 8 year old "What's wrong with that lady? She's creeping me out."

5. A Wonderful Christmas Time- Paul McCartney- Yes, even Beatles make mistakes. This obnoxious, repetitious song features some of the worst synth ever recorded by man.

4. Christmas Shoes by Newsong. Before you accuse me of being a heartless insensitive guy, just think about the premise of the song. A kid's mom is dying and he's worried about buying her footwear instead of spending time with her? It's a blatant attempt to be a tear jerker song, but I'm afraid it back fired.

3. Feliz Navidad. I have nothing against my south of the border friends. I speak Spanish and enjoy the language, but this whiny pitched song drives me nuts and really gets on my nerves. I can't stand it because it seems so inappropriate. It is very un-Christmas like, kind of like Beach Boys songs.

2. Jingle Bell Rock. When I was in second grade, we had to sing this for a school program and even at that early age, I felt there was something very wrong with this song. "Giddy up jingle horse? Really? I'm still trying to recover from the trauma it caused me.

1. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. This is the ultimate classless hick song. Whenever I hear this, my IQ immediately drops 50 points and I don't have many digits to spare in that department.

I hope I didn't step on any one's toes. I could go on and name several other honorable mentions, but I'd rather hear which Christmas songs you don't care for.