Monday, January 24, 2011

Snakes "The Epitome of Evil"

I'll get straight to the point. I hate snakes. They make up one third of the 3 S's (sharks, scorpions, and snakes) which form the axis of evil in the animal kingdom. A snake is nothing more than a fanged muscle. If that isn't disturbing enough, many of these monsters are made in a poisonous version too. The only thing that could make them worse would be if they could fly.

When I originally saw the photo below, I was told that this snake nest was found in Utah, but I've since seen other reports claiming it was taken in Wyoming, and other places, and I really don't care where this happened or even if it is photo shopped. It has done it's damage and I will never be the same. Can you imagine flying over a sand dune on an ATV and landing in that?

Occasionally I have nightmares where I am running across the desert and everywhere I go there are snakes. I'm literally running, jumping, and hopping like crazy trying to avoid them, but it does no good since the entire ground is covered like the above picture in every direction.

There may be some lunatics reptile enthusiasts out there who say snakes are just misunderstood and will leave people alone unless provoked. Others might say they serve a purpose in the food chain and keep rats and mice from getting out of control. There may be some truth to that, but I still get chills thinking about them even if they are faithfully fulfilling their civic duties.

You might think I am a wuss because I'm afraid of snakes, but at least I am in good company with Indiana Jones and thousands of housewives around the world.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Plastic Surgery Warnings

I'd like to pre"face" this post by saying I think cosmetic and reconstructive surgery can be a great blessing for many people who have been disfigured by accidents, disease, or birth defects. When I broke a bone in my face, a plastic surgeon repaired a nerve under my eye, so I guess I have benefited from it too.

Cosmetic surgery may also help some people feel more confident, but usually when we think about this  topic, we think of  Michael Jackson celebrities and Joan Rivers surgery addicts. Most procedures today are obviously done out of vanity rather than necessity.

Years ago I read the book Psychocybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. He was a plastic surgeon who made some interesting observations after years of practice. He found that some of his patients had increased confidence and better self esteem after surgery but many others did not. He concluded that more important than one's appearance is how people really feel about themselves. I'm sure there are many beautiful yet insecure people roaming the earth.

As cosmetic procedures become more popular, it's only a matter of time until you see plastic surgery offered at Costco or at the mall. One trend that worries me is how so many very young people are opting for cosmetic procedures. I've heard some people say how pleased they are with their surgery while others have expressed regret. It's obviously a good idea to get all the facts and do your homework before submitting to any surgical procedure, especially an elective one that you may not need.

I'm not here to judge people or to say when someone should have plastic surgery or what procedures are appropriate, but I will say this: If you are an attractive person, then please don't mess with your face! Yes, I'm talking to you Kenny Rogers, Bruce Jenner, Meg Ryan, Micky Rourke, and Priscilla Presley. It's always sad to see someone look a bit odd or strange after a botched procedure.

To summarize my thoughts on this subject, if you are already a good looking person but you still feel insecure and think you could use some cosmetic surgery, just don't do it, or something like this could happen.

I can see how some people might give into the temptation to undergo a procedure in order to make their body more attractive. When I went in for elbow surgery last year, I asked the surgeon to raise some of the skin on my elbow so it would look like Harrison Ford's elbow. He did a great job, but I seldom get any compliments. I'm thinking I should have asked for Hugh Jackman's elbow look instead.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Picture of the Month Jan 2011

I 've been struggling with a topic for today, so I'll just refer you to "Movies I probably won't see." Otherwise, you'll have to settle for my picture of the month.

I hadn't seen this one before, but I'm scared of heights and it caught my attention. I don't care if pictures are photo-shopped these days as long as they are entertaining and thought provoking. The exception would be photo's of me committing crimes.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Words of Intimidation

What an "adorable" arrangement
I recently realized that there are certain words I feel uncomfortable using. I'm not talking about the typical four letter words that are looked down upon by society. I'm talking about nice words that have a pleasant sound to them, but I hesitate to use them because they sound way too feminine.

Here are the culprit adjectives I can't bring myself to say:


I'm pretty sure these words have never been uttered on a football field. I obviously don't feel the need to use these words while playing sports or doing other manly activities, but occasionally "scrumptious" might be an appropriate word choice if I'm attempting to describe delicious food. I guess I'll just have to stick with my regular dumb guy adjectives of "so good" and "awesome" to describe tasty food.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

The SNL Closing Scene

I have been watching Saturday Night Live for many years now. When I was a kid I remember the early Bill Murray and Chevy Chase days. Over the years, some cast members have definitely been funnier than others and some seasons have been less than notable. One thing they've all had in common is the ending scene when the cast members, host, and musical guests all meet on the stage at the end of the show as the band plays music while the ending credits roll.

I don't know what it is about this, but it kind of bugs me. They are all hugging and socializing with each other like they are at a reunion or something. Many of these talented performers can stand on a live stage and make fun of people and not show any stage fright, but when they are standing there after the show, it's kind of like they are naked and they appear more vulnerable and defenseless and I feel kind of bad for them.

I'm not really suggesting that Lorne Michaels changes this tradition, but maybe a better ending might be the freeze frame technique that was used at the end of each Chips episode.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

The Days Are Getting Longer

My post title may not be accurate. I realize that there are still only 24 hours in each day, but they appear to be lengthening due to increased sunlight. We just had the winter solstice last week which means it will stay light a little longer ever day from here on out. I view this kind of like the Wednesday hump-day of the year, which is kind of ironic since winter just officially started, but I can deal with the miserable cold as long as we can have some more sunlight with it.

This sums up how I feel about Winter: aka the season the earth dies
I have never been diagnosed with seasonal depression, but I probably have it, since the dark cold winter makes me feel like an old black and white movie or, even worse, an Ingmar Bergman film. I'm excited that it won't be pitch black by 5:30 in the evening anymore. If I could customize the weather and the seasons, it would look like this:

Jan-May would be Spring
June-July would be Summer
Aug-Nov would be Fall
Dec would be Winter

I wonder how long it will take before someone develops an app to change the seasons. I wish you all a prosperous New Year in 2011 and, to all my fellow winter haters, I hope you enjoy the emotional victory of having additional light and eventual warmth in the upcoming months.